a retirement story

cgswss · Dec 18, 2013

One day a man decided to retire…

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time
of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I
landed when my fishing boat sank.”

“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and
stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ”On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that
if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just
down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools
and used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So,
after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand
built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.

Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house,
she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.”

“Would you like a drink?”

“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take
another drop of coconut juice.”

“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How
would you like a Jack Daniels neat?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit
down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival
stories, the woman announces,
“I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to
take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two
shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a
swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her
blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically
positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him
to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve
both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was
the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as
tears start to form in his eyes,

“You’ve built a V-Max,too?”