For those of you who had the misfortune to watch Sharknado 1, you probably also had the misfortune NOT to watch Sharkando 2…BIG MISTAKE.
Sharknado 1 was not that funny and pretty unbelievable. The Sci Fi Channel asked for too damn much suspension of disbelief. So much so that the Golden Gate Bridge couldn’t have suspended that much disbelief.
Sharknado 2 is so funny it might kill you from sheer constant inability to breath while laughing.
Sharknado 2 is so filled with meaning it might bring tears to your eyes if you weren’t laughing so hard.
Sharknado 2 is so brilliantly over the top that it could support enough suspension of disbelief to crush Russia and China instantly. It might even be able to slow down your average Mexican Drug Cartel. Those guys have a sense of humor too after all.
In Sharknado 2 the Sharkado (there are actually several that converge into one giant one) symbolizes
THE WRATH OF GOD.
God is PISSED. He is so pissed that a mere plague of locust can’t even get Him excited. He must wipe out the entire NorthEastern Seaboard.
Main reason: He’s mad at the liberal media.
Example:
The movie frequently cuts to Matt Lauer and Al Roker playing themselves on the real Today Show set. Roker tracks the Sharknado (illustrated by a swirling tornado symbol with little shark symbols inside it) and describes the disastrous power that is about to be unleashed on NYC. Lauer plays up the human angle by describing in bloody detail how many people are going to die horribly. God hates this kind of TV crap. Lauer and Roker continue to cover the storm until, at the last cut to the Today show, a giant shark falls through the ceiling onto Lauer’s desk and the scene closes as Lauer is stabbing the shark with a mike boom as Roker holds it steady on the desk. Lauer’s last words are “That’s it for the Today show…We’ll see you tomorrow…I think.
Clearly these scenes show the pure idiocy of morning television, which God hates.
Now Kelly Ripa SHOULD be included in this wrath as well and she is in reality but Sci Fi was more afraid of the WorldWide Socialist Feminist Movement and they bowed and kissed ass. Kelly has a giant shark drop through her ceiling during her show as well but she kills it with one stomp of her spiked high heel as her black male sidekick runs offstage like a little girl…screaming. God will punish Sci Fi in Sharknado 3.
God Hates Low sinking production companies that will stoop to anything to make a dollar so Jarad of the Subway sandwich commercials gets his head bitten off during his appearance. And he deserves it. They don’t show it but that shark probably died.
Raphael Miranda plays a weatherman too. Evidently God has a problem with weathermen or Hispanics…I’m not sure.
Stephanie Abrams plays herself as a weather person too. God must really hate weather people.
Billy Ray Cyrus symbolizes what happens to child molesters. They end up not being able to get parts in good movies but are stuck with bit parts such as Doctors in movies where nobody recognizes them.
Judd Hirsh symbolizes a Shakespearean Everyman and his unavoidable fate in life. He is born, he lives a life of suffering, poverty, degradation, and then he is eaten by a shark while trying to help others. You see this happen every day but the soul-ripping hopelessness of it never fails to cause a deep terminal depression.
The sweeping panorama of emotions and tragedy is unmatched by any movie I have ever seen. I just don’t think they can do better in Sharknado 3 but we shall see.
If you haven’t given it at watch, you can watch it free on Netflix at the moment.
The whole movie is worth watching just for the scene where the hero, standing on a taxi roof, holds up a long chainsaw just as a shark flies by. The chainsaw neatly saws the shark in half from head to tail as the Mayor of NYC and other NYC scum cheer him onward to victory.
Try not to think of the fact that Tara Reid thinks a Sharknado is actually possible if you choose to watch it.
Sharknado 1 was not that funny and pretty unbelievable. The Sci Fi Channel asked for too damn much suspension of disbelief. So much so that the Golden Gate Bridge couldn’t have suspended that much disbelief.
Sharknado 2 is so funny it might kill you from sheer constant inability to breath while laughing.
Sharknado 2 is so filled with meaning it might bring tears to your eyes if you weren’t laughing so hard.
Sharknado 2 is so brilliantly over the top that it could support enough suspension of disbelief to crush Russia and China instantly. It might even be able to slow down your average Mexican Drug Cartel. Those guys have a sense of humor too after all.
In Sharknado 2 the Sharkado (there are actually several that converge into one giant one) symbolizes
THE WRATH OF GOD.
God is PISSED. He is so pissed that a mere plague of locust can’t even get Him excited. He must wipe out the entire NorthEastern Seaboard.
Main reason: He’s mad at the liberal media.
Example:
The movie frequently cuts to Matt Lauer and Al Roker playing themselves on the real Today Show set. Roker tracks the Sharknado (illustrated by a swirling tornado symbol with little shark symbols inside it) and describes the disastrous power that is about to be unleashed on NYC. Lauer plays up the human angle by describing in bloody detail how many people are going to die horribly. God hates this kind of TV crap. Lauer and Roker continue to cover the storm until, at the last cut to the Today show, a giant shark falls through the ceiling onto Lauer’s desk and the scene closes as Lauer is stabbing the shark with a mike boom as Roker holds it steady on the desk. Lauer’s last words are “That’s it for the Today show…We’ll see you tomorrow…I think.
Clearly these scenes show the pure idiocy of morning television, which God hates.
Now Kelly Ripa SHOULD be included in this wrath as well and she is in reality but Sci Fi was more afraid of the WorldWide Socialist Feminist Movement and they bowed and kissed ass. Kelly has a giant shark drop through her ceiling during her show as well but she kills it with one stomp of her spiked high heel as her black male sidekick runs offstage like a little girl…screaming. God will punish Sci Fi in Sharknado 3.
God Hates Low sinking production companies that will stoop to anything to make a dollar so Jarad of the Subway sandwich commercials gets his head bitten off during his appearance. And he deserves it. They don’t show it but that shark probably died.
Raphael Miranda plays a weatherman too. Evidently God has a problem with weathermen or Hispanics…I’m not sure.
Stephanie Abrams plays herself as a weather person too. God must really hate weather people.
Billy Ray Cyrus symbolizes what happens to child molesters. They end up not being able to get parts in good movies but are stuck with bit parts such as Doctors in movies where nobody recognizes them.
Judd Hirsh symbolizes a Shakespearean Everyman and his unavoidable fate in life. He is born, he lives a life of suffering, poverty, degradation, and then he is eaten by a shark while trying to help others. You see this happen every day but the soul-ripping hopelessness of it never fails to cause a deep terminal depression.
The sweeping panorama of emotions and tragedy is unmatched by any movie I have ever seen. I just don’t think they can do better in Sharknado 3 but we shall see.
If you haven’t given it at watch, you can watch it free on Netflix at the moment.
The whole movie is worth watching just for the scene where the hero, standing on a taxi roof, holds up a long chainsaw just as a shark flies by. The chainsaw neatly saws the shark in half from head to tail as the Mayor of NYC and other NYC scum cheer him onward to victory.
Try not to think of the fact that Tara Reid thinks a Sharknado is actually possible if you choose to watch it.
