Had a old friend come by

[poppop]

Yesterday evening headlight's came in the driveway,Lil dog started barking,Wife looked across the room and said we got company,A lil late But that's ok.A knock on the door,I went and answered,It was my old friend tommy.Invited him in,And his friend who i found out a lil later was his dd.We sat down and began talking of course about old times.This was a guy who had the biggest of hopes and dreams back in the day.The more we talked the clearer it became he was drunk.The wife gave me a stern look,I winked at her,Hoping to get her to relax.As we talked his conversations Were all over the place.Yea we both had been this way before,But that was years ago.This guy Had one of the sharpest minds that i had ever known.And to see him like this was terrible,Were supposed to get older and wiser,Everything he had in the past he had lost,Including the wife his kids,Everyone had moved away.He was remarried but it was shaky at best.I got to talking about his grandkids and ask don't you miss em?The wife looked across the room and said tommy youre so much better than this,Just then i saw a tear run down his cheek.He looked at me and said You two always called it like you saw it,Just not sure how it happend.He got up and hugged us both,Said he would see us again soon.Me and the wife talked after they left.At the end of the conservation,I said i hope he come's back soon.And may god help my misguided friend.

 

[HyperPete]

Life can be hard. I've watched some friends tumble through their lives without any direction, and I've lost some too.
A lot of my hopes and dreams got lost along the way too, but all in all I am doing ok.

I hope you and your friend stay in touch, and that he finds his way again...

 

[Rollie]

AA can help , if you can get him to go to a meeting. He will either not go , hate it or recognize himself in one of the stories told for his benefit. It could save his life.

 

[sdt354]

It ain't pretty, what happens long term. Some people can't handle the juice well. They can't stop once they start. That is the true definition. What they need to do is simple, but not easy. A lot of good friends are gone because of substance abuse, booze (most common) included. They won't listen to us most of the time. I knew a screaming hot woman,15 or so years ago. Smart, educated, fun. She couldn't stop, drank all the time. The Doc. told her she could not drink and live anymore. She was gone at 40. All you can do is pray they get it, before it's too late.

 

[Traumahawk]

He will make it with 2 things. The WILL to quit, and friends like you to look after him.

 

[poppop]

Life can be hard. I've watched some friends tumble through their lives without any direction, and I've lost some too.
A lot of my hopes and dreams got lost along the way too, but all in all I am doing ok.

I hope you and your friend stay in touch, and that he finds his way again...

Ive lost several through the years,Dont wanna lose anymore.Im kinda like you all in all gettin by.

AA can help , if you can get him to go to a meeting. He will either not go , hate it or recognize himself in one of the stories told for his benefit. It could save his life.

Plan on that being our next conversation.

It ain't pretty, what happens long term. Some people can't handle the juice well. They can't stop once they start. That is the true definition. What they need to do is simple, but not easy. A lot of good friends are gone because of substance abuse, booze (most common) included. They won't listen to us most of the time. I knew a screaming hot woman,15 or so years ago. Smart, educated, fun. She couldn't stop, drank all the time. The Doc. told her she could not drink and live anymore. She was gone at 40. All you can do is pray they get it, before it's too late.

I lost my Dearest friend he was 32.Drank a lot.Had a wife and 2 kids.I introduced them years eariler.His heart exploded.He had a yellow tint in his eyes and skin.They did a autopsy on him.Heart and liver failure.2 day's before he passed he came by spent a hour talking to my then girlfriend now my wife.About taking care of me,And how hard it would be,And ended that statement with.But michele terry's worth it.2 day's later,430 in the morning i got a call,It was dink's wife.Her words on my first answering machine was terry please pick up.Jimmy's dead.That long conversation he had with my future wife.It was like he knew.Thank you all.Big hearted guy's

 

[poppop]

He will make it with 2 things. The WILL to quit, and friends like you to look after him.

Im sure gonna try,Damn good person.Thank you eric.

 

[Fire-medic]

It sounds like you had a visit from someone who needed his friend.

A couple of months-ago, I lost one of my fellow firefighter/paramedics. He was 61, he looked about 80. A drinker, he stopped for over a year, and then he decided he wanted to live life his way, so he gave-up being sober. He needed a liver but he wouldn't get one because he began drinking again. It took him about 7 months to drink himself to death.

One day, before this, another firefighter/EMT friend and I took a visit to his home. He came to the door, and he could barely stand. It wasn't because he was drunk, which he probably was, it was because he was filled with excess fluid (ascites) and was about to die. We called fire-rescue (not our jurisdiction) and the officer who came w/his crew said he had been there before for issues related to this guy's drinking. It took us an hour to get this retired firefighter/paramedic onto the rescue gurney (cot) for the trip to the hospital. The fire/rescue unit could have said, "you don't wanna go, sign this release and we're gone," but they didn't.

My friend and I went to the hospital and waited to speak w/the ER doc, who told us that he probably would have been dead from septic shock within a short period of time (only days) if we hadn't gotten him to the hospital. After that, the patient began a series of hospital and recovery inpatient stays, until about a year + later, he signed himself out and resumed his alcoholism.

Substance abuse is a killer, it robs you of your future while ruining your present and that of your friends and loved-ones.

A neighbor of this guy tried to check-up on him every week. He'd offer to go to the store for food for him. The recluse would shove some twenties into his hand, and told him what to buy, The Good Samaritan would return w/the groceries, and the guy wouldn't let him into the home, he would tell him, "leave the groceries on the doorstep, I'll bring them in."

When my firefighter co-worker and I stopped-by to get this guy to the hospital, we went into the home. It was like one of those hoarder shows you see on TV. Filthy, crowded with debris, and no clear floor space. In the center of the living room was a moldering pile of plastic bags, and I took a look in them, it turned my stomach. Maggots, evidence of rats, putrefying food...I pulled out a receipt from a bag and it was a year-and-a-half old. He'd been taking the groceries his neighbor brought him and he just abandoned them on the living room floor. The bugs and vermin were happy though.

While our friend went to the hospital, my friend and I, w/the help of the neighbor, filled three-five-foot high rollaway garbage containers to the overflowing with the garbage from the house, and we barely put a dent in the mess. I decided to clean-out the refrigerator, and it was filled with food having expiration dates two or three years-ago. Really-disgusting.

The neighbor went over on his own to do some-more housecleaning, and he stopped counting after 20 rat carcasses. They must have been there for a long time because with all the debris, I really couldn't smell them. Some were inside the couch the guy had been sleeping-on, because his bedroom had so-much crap piled on the bed, there was no-place to lie-down.

While this guy was in the hospital, his friends got together and sold-off his vehicles to raise money. His house was stripped to the bare walls. A contract for the rehabilitation of his home was done, and while he was in treatment programs, his home was totally rehabbed, the walls and trusses were about the only thing left when the rehab was begun. He gained a totally-rehabbed home w/a barrier-free bathroom, a second bathroom which he never had, and a porch was torn-out and replaced w/a CBS construction. New HVAC, new roof, new waste lines & potable water supply, new windows, tile throughout, new kitchen. It really turned-out beautifully. Then he checked him out of the residential facility, returned to his new home, and drank himself to death in less than a year. He had no family, parents and a sole brother already dead.
He died on his own terms, but he didn't need-to. He chose to.

If you know someone who needs help, do everything you can to help them help themselves. I wish we could have gotten this guy to turn things around but he just didn't want-to enough.

 

[dannymax]

Sounds like he was reaching out Terry....he came to the right guy. unk:

 

[Traumahawk]

It sounds like you had a visit from someone who needed his friend.

A couple of months-ago, I lost one of my fellow firefighter/paramedics. He was 61, he looked about 80. A drinker, he stopped for over a year, and then he decided he wanted to live life his way, so he gave-up being sober. He needed a liver but he wouldn't get one because he began drinking again. It took him about 7 months to drink himself to death.

One day, before this, another firefighter/EMT friend and I took a visit to his home. He came to the door, and he could barely stand. It wasn't because he was drunk, which he probably was, it was because he was filled with excess fluid (ascites) and was about to die. We called fire-rescue (not our jurisdiction) and the officer who came w/his crew said he had been there before for issues related to this guy's drinking. It took us an hour to get this retired firefighter/paramedic onto the rescue gurney (cot) for the trip to the hospital. The fire/rescue unit could have said, "you don't wanna go, sign this release and we're gone," but they didn't.

My friend and I went to the hospital and waited to speak w/the ER doc, who told us that he probably would have been dead from septic shock within a short period of time (only days) if we hadn't gotten him to the hospital. After that, the patient began a series of hospital and recovery inpatient stays, until about a year + later, he signed himself out and resumed his alcoholism.

Substance abuse is a killer, it robs you of your future while ruining your present and that of your friends and loved-ones.

A neighbor of this guy tried to check-up on him every week. He'd offer to go to the store for food for him. The recluse would shove some twenties into his hand, and told him what to buy, The Good Samaritan would return w/the groceries, and the guy wouldn't let him into the home, he would tell him, "leave the groceries on the doorstep, I'll bring them in."

When my firefighter co-worker and I stopped-by to get this guy to the hospital, we went into the home. It was like one of those hoarder shows you see on TV. Filthy, crowded with debris, and no clear floor space. In the center of the living room was a moldering pile of plastic bags, and I took a look in them, it turned my stomach. Maggots, evidence of rats, putrefying food...I pulled out a receipt from a bag and it was a year-and-a-half old. He'd been taking the groceries his neighbor brought him and he just abandoned them on the living room floor. The bugs and vermin were happy though.

While our friend went to the hospital, my friend and I, w/the help of the neighbor, filled three-five-foot high rollaway garbage containers to the overflowing with the garbage from the house, and we barely put a dent in the mess. I decided to clean-out the refrigerator, and it was filled with food having expiration dates two or three years-ago. Really-disgusting.

The neighbor went over on his own to do some-more housecleaning, and he stopped counting after 20 rat carcasses. They must have been there for a long time because with all the debris, I really couldn't smell them. Some were inside the couch the guy had been sleeping-on, because his bedroom had so-much crap piled on the bed, there was no-place to lie-down.

While this guy was in the hospital, his friends got together and sold-off his vehicles to raise money. His house was stripped to the bare walls. A contract for the rehabilitation of his home was done, and while he was in treatment programs, his home was totally rehabbed, the walls and trusses were about the only thing left when the rehab was begun. He gained a totally-rehabbed home w/a barrier-free bathroom, a second bathroom which he never had, and a porch was torn-out and replaced w/a CBS construction. New HVAC, new roof, new waste lines & potable water supply, new windows, tile throughout, new kitchen. It really turned-out beautifully. Then he checked him out of the residential facility, returned to his new home, and drank himself to death in less than a year. He had no family, parents and a sole brother already dead.
He died on his own terms, but he didn't need-to. He chose to.

If you know someone who needs help, do everything you can to help them help themselves. I wish we could have gotten this guy to turn things around but he just didn't want-to enough.

A lot of times when I read a particular story...or even an listening to something, it will often make me think of a particular song or music. This is what was playing in the back ground as I read Firemedic's story. I thought it was fitting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZbN_nmxAGk

 

[dannymax]

That's very hard to watch, it happens way too often.

 

[Redbone]

Alcohol, what can I say, has affected some my family and friends in very bad ways. Sadly, my father and sister did not see a way to let the bottle go.
It does not always manifest itself in a open way that is easily recognized soon enough before the alcohol has a powerful hold they cannot break themselves. Communication, showing love and compassion can go a long way to reach a person but there is little to be done if the individual cannot break free of it's grasp.
Terry, your friend has a blessing in your wife and you I hope he can reach back and hold onto the good he has in front of him, then can go the next step of realizing that there is so much in life to live for.

 

[poppop]

I'll just do what i can,Help if he will let me.Detox is something he has to except,If not he can leave at anytime.They can't keep him against his will.I would love to meet his new wife ,Maybe together we could do some good,More questions than answer's .Hope he returns .Remember the good time's,Sure miss them.It's in god's hands,Thank you all.

 

[Pappy!]

Have been through this with two wives. The first was an amazing woman and a good mother early on. We both used to party on the weekends but with her it started lasting into Mondays....then Tuesdays..... and on and on until drinking consumed her and was costing well over a car payment per month. Got her into a treatment facility but was drunk the first night afterward. I became an enabler, our friends stopped coming over....some of you probably know the scenario. I did not drink a drop for over three years trying to set an example in the house.
I eventually had to leave.
Few years later I got married again and will be damned if the second one didn't do the same thing after about 8-9 years! Was easier to leave the second one.
The ones consumed are the only ones that can help themselves. You cannot do it for them. You can, however, be a support. Sounds like the OP is willing to do this for a friend. That's a good friend to have!