Asshole Dad of the year award-To me

[SpecOps13]

Seen this happen too often. No ones fault really. Just a matter of timing, No Asshole to it.

I have plans to get a passenger backrest for even my FZ8 before I take any one on the back seat.
Wife refuses to ride anything with me without a death grip in place without one. She knows, that
I may decide to hit red line at any time in any gear...

Again, Prayers for your Daughter...

 

[srk468]

Your not an asshole Rusty and your daughter will get past this in time... Before giving anyone a ride I always tell them the rules for being on my bike and I tell them if I tap on your thigh them I'm getting ready to pass or accelerate rapidly so hang on TIGHT!! Park the bike for awhile and get your mind right brother, things will be ok...

Sent from my HTC Thunderbolt using Tapatalk 2

 

[dtoebaert-5311]

It`s very courageous to share this *&^%$#@ story and in time you`ll see that was the best move you could make. Quick recovery to your daughter!

 

[mckzx9]

Rusty if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck at all. Like everyone said it was an accident and you are a loving father and bruises and scrapes will heal. God bless you and your family prayers sent you way.

 

[Rusty McNeil]

Thank you to every single one of you for the wise words and perspective. They all have value and helped me to process this

Danielle is not angry with me and says she didn't need to forgive me cause it wasn't my fault. (I told her it was and we've left it at that)

We both know that a big bullet got dodged and things could have been much different,

I still see it in my rear view every time I stop thinking about anything else....

She's doing really well actually, mobility is good now, knee still hurts some, swelling in face is going down and now we are getting to the fun part of watching all the different colors her bruising is going through.

It sucks that it took this occasion for me to take a week off and devote it to just hanging out with my daughter cause its really pretty cool just me and her alone.

Breakfast in am, take her back and forth to classes and the last couple of dr visits and messing with her dogs etc. just spending quality time together without any distractions..........Reminds me a lot of when she was little and I was a single dad for a few years.

My ex-wife, Danielle's mom, (and a damn good woman) works for a plastic surgeon so she has plenty of good contacts and is going to handle coordinating the dentistry stuff and making sure her lip has been done properly without having to fight the red tape and appt wait times, I'm taking Danielle to Houston Friday and letting her mom get it from there.
I've got to fly out to California Saturday anyway, was supposed to have gone las Monday but my boss and I worked it out.

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and more so just offering your perspective, it truly helps.
And I hope my posting this in the first place does somehow help others.

This place is a family and that's why I bring it here. You guys are awesome and once again show why this is more than just a forum!

Rusty

 

[ninjaneer]

It sucks that it took this occasion for me to take a week off and devote it to just hanging out with my daughter cause its really pretty cool just me and her alone.

Breakfast in am, take her back and forth to classes and the last couple of dr visits and messing with her dogs etc. just spending quality time together without any distractions..........Reminds me a lot of when she was little and I was a single dad for a few years.

It's times like what you describe, that I live for. This morning I walked with my daughter the 1-mile commute to school because she wasn't allowed to strap her violin to her bike. She had outgrown her winter coat and asked me if we were going to sell it once we replaced it. After I told her that we would donate it, the conversation just took on different subject matter that I never gave her credit for knowing about or even comprehending. It is so cool, much to my chagrin, to see her personality growing up in lock step with her physical being. She is becoming her own person....sigh. When I was told to cherish every moment because kids grow up fast, I had no idea of this facet of the "growing up". unk:

 

[poppop]

Im so sorry ,But youre not a asshole your a dad,Dosent mean your perfect.And youve ben a great dad her whole life,And your actions prove it.There is a lifetime of love between you and her,And this accident and i mean accident .Will not change that,Everyone that's been a parent has had plenty of them o my god moments.Years ago wewe went to mt. mitchell tower,Took my eyes off my then 13 year old daughter who had climbed over the rail and was hanging her feet off the side of a 100 ft tower.Just one of a gang of them o my god moments.You are a dad allright,And a dam good one!YOU LOVE HER!

 

[maleko89]

Rusty, scary for sure but don't be too hard on yourself. God knows I've made my share of mistakes....if parenting was easy there'd be fewer mistakes. I know you care deeply for your kids and that's 99% of being a good parent IMO.

 

[RaWarrior]

Shit happens, don't let it get you down. Learn from mistakes don't sit and anguish about them. I've had this almost happen with passengers on snowmobiles....you want to show them a fun time, and almost blow them off the back.

When "shit happens at work" (the largest dredging project ever undertaken), there's this sort of three-step evaluation for it....what went right, what went wrong, and lessons learned. Rather than chastize employees for a fuck up, it's taken as an opportunity to learn and prevent others from making the mistake again.

What Went Right
-Passenger was wearing a helmet, jacket and other gear

What Went Wrong
-Passenger was wearing a 3/4 helmet
-Lack of communication between operator and passenger.

Lessons Learned
-Full helmets are compulsory for any passenger
-More reasonable operation of equipment
-Installation of a passenger safety device (sissy bar)


One thing that honestly most guys don't realize is how....scary? It is to ride on the back of bikes, sleds, jetskis. As the operator, you've got the handlebars to anchor yourself and know what's going to happen. The passenger has a little strap on the seat, or grabbing a handful of your clothes....not exactly as good, and has no idea when you might nail it or make some other maneuver. Because guys virtually never "ride bitch" on anything....have no idea how difficult it is.

Since I almost dumped a passenger off my sled pulling a wheelie, I'm very cautious when operating anything 2up....strictly grandma driving. Won't say I don't get the speeds up there, but smooth is the key. Imagine the bolts on the handlebar clamp are very loose and drive accordingly.

 

[ridinnoshiftin]

Rusty,

I can't imagine the guilt you are feeling as I do not have children. One of me in the world was enough, I was determined not to duplicate or form any portion of this being through another human life. At least I would have hoped it would have had human qualities...lol. It sounds as though Danielle has come to terms with the situation and harbors no ill feelings towards her DAD. I bet if you asked her, that all she wishes is that you don't take the blame. Call it a momentary lack of better judgement or a blip in the cranial process and go on. I am sure of one thing though. She watched you over the years and remembers all the great decisions you made. I am sure she is willing to give you a mulligan on this one! Another thing that is fresh on her mind that solidifies your character is how well and how much you have been through with Ryan.

Here is a quote for one of your posts. "We both know that a big bullet got dodged and things could have been much different,

I still see it in my rear view every time I stop thinking about anything else....".

Remember Rusty, the view you are looking at is in the past. In due time, that view will fade into the scenery and there will be another memory to replace it. Hopefully that view will be of this week, and that you have had a chance to spend some quality time with her. Maybe this will start a new tradition of you and her spending some time together more often. Now, with all the bad you see right now, maybe some good will evolve. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure it was hard to post it in here for the world to see. All I see is a man, and a father, and that showed he is human. You were willing to share a mistake and to warn others just how easily it could happen to the rest of us.

Now here is where I really see that your in trouble! Later on she is going to thank you for posting that picture of her on here...lol. Tell her she still looks beautiful to all of us! On a lighter more humorous note. Many in Hollywood spend thousands of dollars to get bigger fuller lips. You just created a streamlined process! I hope it wasn't too soon to throw out a little humor. It definately was not meant to be offensive. :biglaugh:

Todd

 

[max_caper]

I ride 2-up a lot. With my 2006 VMax it only took a blip or two of the throttle on my first 2-up ride to discover how easily a passenger could slide backwards. Can't over-estimate the value of a full-face helmet and a backrest: I hope folks heed your words and use both.

Blaine

 

[naughtyG]

Wow sorry to read this Rusty, but shit like that happens and you can't keep beating yourself over the head for it. Main thing is, she's ok! The bruises will go (if you go near a health store get her some Arnica - that stuff is like magic on bruises), and you've both learned a few valuable lessons: never wear any less than a FF helmet, as a rider always warn your pillion, as a pillion always cling on the the rider, and Max is defo best having a back rest.

Best of all, you had the balls to share this story, and that will also help any of us in the future who might have made the same mistake.

So chin up mate, do keep on riding, put it down to experience, and spoil that girl rotten for xmas!

 

[CaptainKyle]

Sorry to hear about this Rusty. Your not an asshole . It was an accident that we all can learn from. Thanks for sharing.

 

[vmaxinID]

Damn Rusty, sorry bout the family luck.

Sissy bars, not just for sissies.

 

[Horrendous]

I've been in wrecks and I have seen wrecks. I think watching someone you love get hurt is far more traumatic than getting hurt yourself. I still have flashbacks from watching my ex wife crash.

You being an asshole? No.. you aren't but I can understand you feeling like one.

Sent from my Desire HD using Tapatalk 2

 

[m-cman]

Damn Rusty, sorry bout the family luck.

Sissy bars, not just for sissies.

Maybe we should call them safety bars, not sissy bars? :biglaugh:

 

[kaboom]

Wow......

I'm just now seeing this........

Actually makes my stomach knot up....

Glad it turned out OK.....

Yikes....