Harley™ Jokes

[Bill Seward]

Seems there is a lot of discussion about Harley(tm) riders, and the attitudes they display. This forum doesn't seem to be chock full of HD(tm) fans, so I propose a central location for all the Harley-Davidson(tm) jokes, slams, and general observations.

Post 'em if ya got 'em!

I'll start.


Q: How do you stop a Harley owner on horseback?
A: Unplug the carousel.

 

[woodsman30]

Re: Harley(tm) Jokes

alright heres a few

Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself


Q. What do you get when you have 32 Harley owners in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth.

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Milwaukee who can run faster than her six brothers?

A: A virgin.

Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a Harley rider?​

A. In the bathroom...under the soap.



Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a Harley rider?​

A. In the bathroom...under the soap.


the list gos on but its a startunk::rofl_200::biglaugh::biglaugh:
​

 

[warbeast]

Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

A: Where you mount the dirt bag...

 

[85 MAX-fan]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Seems there is a lot of discussion about Harley(tm) riders, and the attitudes they display. This forum doesn't seem to be chock full of HD(tm) fans, so I propose a central location for all the Harley-Davidson(tm) jokes, slams, and general observations.

Post 'em if ya got 'em!

I'll start.


Q: How do you stop a Harley owner on horseback?
A: Unplug the carousel.

UUUUUhhhhmmm.
I thought the Harley was the joke????

 

[Lew L]

Re: Harley? Jokes

What is the most common accessory for Harly Davidson motorcycles?????

A Pick up truck!!

 

[98Redlne]

Race with a Harley

Race with a Harley

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...

 

[98Redlne]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Actually we shouldn't bash the Harley name too much, 95% of all Harleys built are still on the road today......the other 5% made it home.

 

[98Redlne]

Why don't Harley riders sit on their bikes when the side stands are down?
They're afraid to lean over that far.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Harley owner's home?
The Harley costs more and has fewer wheels.

How do Harley engineers tell if a bike is worthy of the Harley name?
They check to make sure the exhaust noise in decibels exceeds the horsepower rating.

Why do Harleys have fringes?
So you can tell if they're moving.

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

 

[max_caper]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Anyone wanting a good laugh at the stereotypical Harley (tm) owner should watch the South Park episode The F-Word. Probably available on Youtube or Dailymotion.

Blaine

 

[FREERIDER]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Anyone wanting a good laugh at the stereotypical Harley (tm) owner should watch the South Park episode The F-Word. Probably available on Youtube or Dailymotion.

Blaine

One of the best ever.
ROTTA ROTTA, ROTTA ROTTA.

 

[jbretthorton]

"Loud a a a annoying f f f f ******..." TOOOO Funny!

 

[rebar]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Anyone wanting a good laugh at the stereotypical Harley (tm) owner should watch the South Park episode The F-Word. Probably available on Youtube or Dailymotion.

Blaine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz0v-EL97g4

 

[hubeerjw]

Re: Harley? Jokes

What's the difference between syphilis and a Harley?

...... you can get rid of the syphilis!

 

[Vmaxer-4-Life]

Whats the difference between Harleys and the busted oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico?
The busted oil rig is considered an environmental hazard even though Harleys leak almost as much oil..

 

[RaWarrior]

Re: Harley? Jokes

Found this on a Hayabusa site....

Quote:
Originally Posted by goblinsix
But, remember that Sportbike riders aren't without flaw.

1) Put as many racing related stickers on the bike fairing as possible.
2) Advertize Yoshimura all over your jacket, pants, fairing, and windscreen. You are their official spokes-person

3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you.
4) T-Shirts and shorts always look really cool on that liter bike.
5) Have your 90 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a pink spandex tank top and shorts....very impressive...she'll enjoy the skin grafts.
6) Talk about all the track days you've done as people check out the chicken strips on your tires !!!
7) Add racing frame sliders and fork protectors after you accidentally drop your bike on your garage floor

8) When riding the twisties, slow down to a crawl in the turns and then blast by everyone with brute force doing 160 MPH in the straights....rinse & repeat. See #6 above.

Only cause you left the door open for it... The Harley Equivalents to the above:

1)Put as many beer related stickers on the cereal bowl helmet as possible.
2) Advertize Harley all over everything you own, including your S.O.. You are their official middle aged, overweight, never been NEAR a gym, bad-azz.

3) Rev the bike as hard as possible at red lights to impress the motorists behind you. (Dont need to comment... this is a HD ritual, which if not obeyed will get you ousted from the "club".)
4) Oil soaked T-Shirts with holes in it and beer bellies always look really cool. Why should the bike be the only overweight, greasy thing on the ride?
5) Have your 290 pound blonde girlfriend with 44DD hooters ride 1-up with you in a leather tank top and chaps....very impressive...she'll enjoy the **** grabs.
6) Talk about all the "mayhem" you've done as people check out the whitewalls on your bias ply tires !!!
7) Add even MORE chrome and replace your levers after you slip in the dripped oil and knock your bike over on your garage floor

8) When riding ANYWHERE, slow down to a crawl in the turns (cause ya GOTTA) and then blast by everyone with brute noise doing 40 MPH in the straights... (cause thats all ya got)... rinse & repeat, and tell EVERYONE what an animal your bike is.



And the classic best-of-craigslist one:
Harley rider pre-ride check off list:
1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the �Live to ride�ride to live� statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the �I�m a bad *** ************� harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some �chapter� like: North chapter of pig ******* obese attention whore ****** bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of **** down the road.


And of course, my signature....VVVV

 

[Bill Seward]

Re: Harley? Jokes

If this was a contest, that post would win!

 

[Norms 427]

Re: Harley? Jokes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izzlN2zC8PU&feature=player_embedded

 

[4gasem]

Re: Harley? Jokes

What's the difference between syphilis and a Harley?

...... you can get rid of the syphilis!

Wait... Don't you own a Harley? :confused2:

 

[RaWarrior]

Re: Harley? Jokes

That video is priceless. Just posted a couple days ago too. There's one dude that's apparently super pissed off and posing hate comments like every 5 minutes. LOL what a tool. His HD must be in the shop getting an engine overhaul from his "20000 problem free miles" so he has to moniter utoob and post comments every few minutes.

 

[Norms 427]

Re: Harley? Jokes

I tease my 2 relatives all the time about their H-Ds and v.v. But H-Ds of the last several years really are very reliable and totally different than the oil-leaking, 30,000 mile engines of the '57 full dress FLH I owned in high school in the 60s.

For all the kidding they do make some good quality machinery these days. They're just not my cup-o-tea. But to each his own, said the old lady as she kissed the cow.