The Joke thread!

[2stangs69-91]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

now that was funny right there

 

[COP RUNNER]

IF YOU HAD A DONKEY & I HAD A ROOSTER & YOUR DONKEY ATE THE TWO FEET OFF OF MY ROOSTER , WHAT DO " YOU " HAVE ????????? ( TWO FEET OF MY COCK IN YOUR ASS ) " LOL " :rofl_200:

 

[KJShover]

A ugly guy walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and
Ordered a draft beer. 'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the Railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?

'Dunno, ' said the ugly man, 'Never found the head!'

 

[dannymax]

A ugly guy walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and
Ordered a draft beer. 'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the Railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?

'Dunno, ' said the ugly man, 'Never found the head!'

What's the deal here KJ?? Invisible ink!!! Very cool! :clapping::biglaugh::clapping:
(Ah, I got it)

Funny, sick, funny joke too!

danny

 

[RagingMain]

BEST 'HEADACHE' JOKE EVER!!!!! >>
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing
into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.'
'Perfect,' her husband said.' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to youunk:unk:

 

[dannymax]

How can you tell if you're at a gay rodeo, or a straight rodeo? :ummm:

At a straight rodeo the crowd yells......"Ride that Fucker!!!" :rofl_200:


And.................................! :biglaugh:

 

[COP RUNNER]

A ugly guy walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and
Ordered a draft beer. 'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the Railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?

'Dunno, ' said the ugly man, 'Never found the head!'

THATS GREAT ! :rofl_200::rofl_200::rofl_200:

 

[gleno]

A stockman (cowboy) is resting out back when a shiny new car pulls up.
The yuppie driver calls out, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
"Sure, why not?" replies the stockman dubiously.
Using Google Earth and his computer in tandem, the yuppie soon says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right," says the stockman, and helps the yuppie put an animal in his boot.
The stockman then says, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The yuppie replies brightly, "OK, it's a deal!"
"You work for the Australian Government..."
"Yes! But how did you guess?" asks the stunned yuppie.
"No guessing required," says the stockman. "You turn up without being asked, get paid for an answer I already know to a question I didn't ask, use all that expensive equipment someone else obviously owns, try to show me how much smarter you are than I am.
Now give me back my dog." :clapping:

 

[maleko89]

Hot for teacher.

 

[dannymax]

:rofl_200: That's a good one, Mark :rofl_200:

Apparantly Mommie works 'the pole' :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

 

[maleko89]

I've always wanted to add one to my basement. I don't think it would fly with the wifey though. "Uh, it's for structural support babe."

 

[dannymax]

You might get away with the "structural support" device,
but the naked broad hanging off it is definitely gonna cause you some problems!! :rofl_200:

 

[maleko89]

Good point. I guess I'll just have to lather the pole up and use it myself then.

 

[gamorg02]

A lady is in a grocery store. She goes up to the checkout and puts down a thing of eggs, bagels, OJ and cream cheese.

a drunk guy walks up and stands in line behind her. he says, slurring his speech:

"hey.... i bbbbbbet yourrrrr singlllllllllle..."

She says "How would you know that? What that I was buying gave it away?!?!"

He says:.....


























"Because your ffffffffffucking ugly."

 

[vmax190]

what did the black guy do with his first 50 cent peice?














married her

 

[medic981]

A teenage boy is going out on a third date with new girlfriend. He knows that tonight might be 'the' night, so he swings by the pharmacy after school to pick up some condoms.

Being a virgin, he wasn't too sure about what to get. He explained to the pharmacist his situation and his high hopes for that night. After some sound advice from the pharmacist, the boy paid and was on his way.

The boy pulls up to the girl's house that evening, knocks on the door and waits. The girls mom answers the door and invites the boy to have dinner with them before they go out. Reluctantly, he stays for dinner.

As they were about to eat, mom asks the boy to bless the food. Nervous, the boy begins to pray...and pray.... and pray some more. When he was finally finished, the girl leans over to him and whispers, "I didn't know you were religious".

The boy whispers back to the girl, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".

 

[RazoR333]

Young inexperienced country lad walks into a pharmacy and asks the buxom older lady behind the counter ," I would like to buy some condom's please",.
The sly thinking lady , remembering there's construction ongoing in the back of the store inquires,..."sure thing sweetheart,..what size are you?".

The lad thinks a minute and replies,.."not sure , how can i tell?"
Raising an eyebrow and sporting a mischievous grin, "well, just go round the back , there's a room with a wall , there's a hole in the wall,...just take out your thing and put it in the hole ,...then come back and I'll be able to tell you what size you are."

A little dumb founded ,he follows the ladies directions ,..and as he does ,..she runs around to the other side of the wall ,..lifts her skirt and pulls down her panties,...
Once the lad is finished , she straightens her self up and rushes back just in time,as he stumbles back to the counter.
"Well", the lady say's " would you like to know your size?"
To which he replied,..."never mind the condoms,..I'll take 6 sheets of that plywood if you don't mind!"
:eusa_dance:

 

[dannymax]

Why Saskatchewan has no Daylight Saving Time
-

Saskatchewan listened to the Wise Old Indian
-

When told the reason for daylight saving time the old Indian said, 'Only

a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a

blanket and sew it to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.'

 

[gleno]

INTO a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he's just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," Paddy says.
"That little O'Connor!" Sean says. "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had
something in his hand."
"That he did," Paddy says. "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me."
"'Well," Sean says, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," Paddy says. "Mrs O'Connor's left breast, and a thing of beauty it is, but right useless in a fight."

 

[lightninggrant]

One morning a boy walks in on his parents making love.
The boy asks his father what's he doing?
The father quick thinking says, son I am making you a sister.
The boy is cool with that and left.
Later that day the father comes home and his boy is crying on the steps.
The father asks what is the problem?
The boy says, well in the morning you said you were making me a sister.
The father says well yes, but whats wrong with that?
Well, after you left the milkman came and ate her!


So the next day the father asks the boy, what did you learn in school today?
The boy belts out. DAD WE HAD SEX WITH THE TEACHER!!
The father says that is great, come sit down and tell me all about it.
The boy says I would like to but my ass hurt too much!