The Joke thread!

[RaWarrior]

^^^^
That didn't last long, it's already flagged. Whenever you find a good craiglist post you have to screenshot it, since the good ones usually get flagged and taken down in a hurry. Just press that "PrtSc" button nobody ever usesnever use, then open paint and press ctrl+v to get a "picture" of your screen.

Man, that ebay one is a classic though. I'm getting a screenshot of that.

 

[BIGMO]

it was still up but i copied it instead. good idea to do anyway.

 

[RaWarrior]

LOL an "oil injection" kit. I imagine a 600, running on two cylinders, would probably be about equal to the typical Harley, assuming the Harley doesn't break down from attempting to drive it fast.

 

[Lew L]

Strange thing though----
We just finished "Street Vibrations" here in Reno and the roads weren't littered with broken down hardlys?????? They (?) say there were over 25,000 "bikers" in town( which is why I left and went to my 45th high school reunion over on the coast.
Lew

 

[BIGMO]

Ya Lew I got no problem with Harley. Just thought it was a funny craigslist add.

I really enjoy the squid vs. Harley vs. Vmax vs. M109 vs. etc.... **** flipping. I think if its done in fun its ok. im the ONLY Vmax ( or jap bike for that matter) of my 100 or so buddies that all ride Halreys. You dont think I take some ribbing? LoL. Some nights its relentless murder. haha. The other day a buddy of mine beat a Vmax at the track with his Chopper. Holy **** now i gotta hear about that every time i see him. Of course he posts it on Facebook. haha.

 

[Blackjack]

Doctor David had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said, 'David, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, David.'
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
David . . . you're a veterinarian, you sick *******.

 

[BIGMO]

Doctor David had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said, 'David, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, David.'
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
David . . . you're a veterinarian, you sick *******.

Just spit Mt Dew on the wall. Damn! LoL

 

[Jack Butler]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are all named Leighroy.'

In disbelief, the case worker says, 'Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?'

Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier.
When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!'
An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy' an' they all comes a runnin.
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' an' all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'


'Then I call them by their last names.'

 

[RaWarrior]

Ya Lew I got no problem with Harley. Just thought it was a funny craigslist add.

I really enjoy the squid vs. Harley vs. Vmax vs. M109 vs. etc.... **** flipping. I think if its done in fun its ok. im the ONLY Vmax ( or jap bike for that matter) of my 100 or so buddies that all ride Halreys. You dont think I take some ribbing? LoL. Some nights its relentless murder. haha. The other day a buddy of mine beat a Vmax at the track with his Chopper. Holy **** now i gotta hear about that every time i see him. Of course he posts it on Facebook. haha.

That must have been one hell of a chopper. A raked out front end is not conducive to high-speed stability, some of the ones I've seen can barely go on the highway without wobbling. I know a guy who dropped around $50k on a custom chopper and it's the most worthless motorcycle ever. It looks sick, will wake the dead with the exhaust, but barely outperforms a 25 year old Honda 500, and can't be pushed much past 80 or so, and just looking at it makes you need a chiropractor. But then again he bought it to putz around town and be seen on it, not to actually ride. Think it got like 400 miles all year.

 

[BIGMO]

That must have been one hell of a chopper. A raked out front end is not conducive to high-speed stability, some of the ones I've seen can barely go on the highway without wobbling. I know a guy who dropped around $50k on a custom chopper and it's the most worthless motorcycle ever. It looks sick, will wake the dead with the exhaust, but barely outperforms a 25 year old Honda 500, and can't be pushed much past 80 or so, and just looking at it makes you need a chiropractor. But then again he bought it to putz around town and be seen on it, not to actually ride. Think it got like 400 miles all year.

I posted the video on my facbook. some guys in here seen it, if i could figure out how to copy it from his FB ill post it here. He had my buddy Rooster build this chopper from frame up. nothing real special about it as far as mechanics. the engine is a stock 113" S&S 5 speed tranny. ITs a softtail, about as comfortable as my 2" lowered Vmax. Runs pretty straight and true far as I can tell. IM not sure what the bike cost him but I think the motor was like 7grand brand new 5 or 6 years ago.

 

[RaWarrior]

 

[vmax2extreme]

Came across this pic this morning. Thought everyone would find it amusing.

 

[Blackjack]

Somebody is going to be in trouble...:surprise:

 

[hexec]

Somebody is going to be in trouble...:surprise:

Oh for god sakes, whats the beer can doing on the floor. What a slob....LMAO :rofl_200:

 

[06VMAXIMUS]

A teacher is explaining Biology to her fourth grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat that stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must have been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty raised her back, and went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!,Ffffff!' but before she could say '****!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"
The teacher had to leave the room.

 

[Blackjack]

A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman.

Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CHL permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."

"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"

"Nope."

"Well then, what are you afraid of...?"

"Not a damn thing..." :th_biggun:

 

[KJShover]

David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman,office worker, etc..

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked
Him about his father.

“My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and he takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll make a date with
Some guy and go out with him for money.”

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to
Ask him, "David? Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, “ Actually. He is a performance engineer at Harley Davidson, but I was
too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”

 

[98Redlne]

KJ.....now that I have finished wiping the coffee off of my monitor and keyboard.

That is just damn funny :rofl_200:

 

[BIGMO]

Bad jokes:



Question: What's the difference between pink and purple? Answer: Grip




Drunk at baseball game. Batter walks. Drunk yells at ump. Guy sitting next to drunk says, "He got 4 balls, he walks!" The drunk yells "STRUT, YOU SOB, STRUT!!!"


how do u know ur at a gay BBQ .......when all the hotdogs tast like ****!!!


A guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I how do I tell if my wife has VD or TB?" The doc says "Chase her around the bed a few times. If she coughs, **** her."


Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? A: So they can run their fingers through their hair!


A man walks in to a bar ans asks the bartendar for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The Bartendar says " Whats wrong with Schlitz, dont you like it?" the man says " I hate that ****. Last night I drank a whole case of and I blew Chunks." The barteder says, "You drink any case of beer, your gunna blow chunks." You dont understand, chunks is my dog.


What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot you ******* racist.



What has seven arms and sucks? Def leppard!


A man and his wife are having an argument, the man gets pissed off and takes off his pants and throws them at his wife and says Put those on, wife replies, I cant get into those..the man says thats right, now you know who wears the pants in this family! So wife gets pissed off so she takes off her Panties and throws them at her husband and says Put those on!, He said I cant get into those, and she says, thats right, and you never will with that ******* attitude!!


Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.



Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after 3 ho's


what's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your whole day....anal sex makes your hole weak....



Small town America. An old man sitting on a bench in front of the town barber shop and watches a young boy of about 5 years sitting on the curb across the street. The boy has a bag of M&M's and reaches in grabbing a handful, throws them i...n his mouth and proceeds to eat them. After a minute or so the boy then grabs a mangy cat next to him, bites the cat on the back then stands up walks down the street 20 feet and sits back down.
The old man chuckles to himself and again watches the young kid eat more M&M's, bite the cat once again and move further down the street.
By now the old man is curious and walks over to the boy and asks "young man, I've been watching you for a while and would like to know what your doing?" The boy replies "I'm playing truck driver."
"Truck driver?" the old man responds, "can you explain that to me?"
The boy excitedly says " You know poppin pills, eating pussy and moving on down the road."



a little indian boy finds out the medicine man names all the little indian children. he's curious how he does that, so he runs to the medcine man's teepee. "medicine man, how do you name the little children of the village?"
medicine man ...kneels dow and says, "well, after the child is born, i walk out of my teepee and the first thing i see becomes the child's name. like soaring eagle, running deer, and crawling bear. why do you ask, two dogs *******?"



You know that look women get when they want sex??????? Me neither.......DAMMIT



How can you tell that a female bartender is REALLY mad at you? There's a white string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.



A bear and a rabbit are crapping in the woods. The bear looks at the rabbit and asks " Do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says "No." So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit.



A kindergarten class had a homework assigment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they had found, Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a pie...ce of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period," said Little Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," the teacher said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Danged if I know," said Little Johnny, "but this morning, my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

 

[Jack Butler]

A little boy asks his dad " where does my intelligence come from"?
The dad replies " it must be from your mother because I still have mine".
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