Divorce

[poppop]

My x did the very same thing.If you can afford it a private investigator may not be a bad idea,Not sure you need to talk to a lawyer on that.I had a history journal of neglect,Finical and every other kind i could think of,With my lawyer's advice.If you get primary custody,That is the key to your success,For me that was most important.my x could have all the boyfriends she wanted,Long as i had the lil one.Before we split,I used to make a joke,Watcha gonna do Go screw around?If that's all you think love is then have at it.I had a friend tell me.I would go beat his ass.I said why would i do that? she is willing,Why fight for someone who dosen't care.Take your time and find someone who does.

 

[poppop]

Burn her ass down!!

 

[Traumahawk]

During the last divorce, I called in a favour, and found out information on the my wife's boyfriend. I found out his name, age, date of birth, last known date of employment, drivers license number, and SS number.

He decided to be a dick one day, and I text him back asking if this was his birth date? He then called, and I mentioned about the last time that he got put in the hospital for messing around with a married woman. He then ask if I was threatening him...and I said no....of course not, but then I said his complete name, and ask him what he wanted? He hung up the phone, and moved out of town a week later before I got back in from work.

Its all about information.

 

[mvmccreary]

During the last divorce, I called in a favour, and found out information on the my wife's boyfriend. I found out his name, age, date of birth, last known date of employment, drivers license number, and SS number.

He decided to be a dick one day, and I text him back asking if this was his birth date? He then called, and I mentioned about the last time that he got put in the hospital for messing around with a married woman. He then ask if I was threatening him...and I said no....of course not, but then I said his complete name, and ask him what he wanted? He hung up the phone, and moved out of town a week later before I got back in from work.

Its all about information.

You have any more favors you can call in? lol I was thinking about having a friend follow her but that seems sketchy

EDIT- I hope she doesn't stumble on to this thread one day and use it against me

 

[sdt354]

You have any more favors you can call in? lol I was thinking about having a friend follow her but that seems sketchy

EDIT- I hope she doesn't stumble on to this thread one day and use it against me

Careful that has happened here before Matt.

 

[mvmccreary]

Well do you have friends that can follow her? Do you have access to her cell phone records...maybe hack her email accounts or social media?
Unfortunately it is a divorce. ...and it's all about information.

I don't think so. I do have access to phone records and have looked but didn't see anything suspicious.

 

[Beach Bum]

Just stumbled on this thread. Hope you're doing better man. My first became an ex when I'd had enough of her shit, came home, packed, and in half an hour left on an 8,000 mile road trip. Note that she was my first ex wife. Divorce is like tattoos, after the first one the rest are a piece of piss. Give her the stuff, you WILL get more stuff (I've got more stuff a few times), and kill her with kindness. Success is the best revenge. Don't give in to arguments, or let her bait you. Be a positive role model to your kid. Bang some strange, the best way to get over a woman is to get under another one.

 

[Rollie]

You have any more favors you can call in? lol I was thinking about having a friend follow her but that seems sketchy

EDIT- I hope she doesn't stumble on to this thread one day and use it against me

Yes , by all means be very careful of what you type on social medias. She may not stumble on , but you can be sure a capable lawyer will.

 

[3xplor3]

I'm very sorry to hear, Mostly for the child. We tend to bounce back , but the kid is gonna be split forever. I went through that 2 years ago. found out wife wasnt paying the mortgage. came home to find we were losing our house. A week later I came home to her telling me she was leaving. I took it really hard couldn't funtion ( i was 34 we had been together since high school). A month later i was fired from my job because of my lack of functionality. Do yourself a few favors.

Get a GOOD lawyer
dont dive into a bottle like i did
stay positive and dont lose focus of your future
don't give into her demands unless advised by lawyer
save money!!!! takes 6 months for child support to kick in but you have to pay it from day one the back pay hurts


good luck I hope the best for you. Keep in mind it gets better. I currently am dating a wonderful woman who loves to ride (wife hated bikes). I have a job that I absolutely love making more and working less hours. My daughter though I see her less Is so over joyed everytime she see's me being it isnt everyday.

so please please stay positive, Sometimes bad shit happens so things can become even better.

 

[82ndCowboy]

I'm a single guy. So I have no divorce experience to add.
But what every one is saying is true.
Life is too short to waste it on a woman who doesn't want to be with you. And there are literally millions of other women in the world.
Say good bye and tell her if she wants to discuss anything contact your lawyer.
Don't result to spying or digging up dirt and wasting your time on her. Let your lawyer do that. That's what your paying him for.
Cut her out of your life Completely and go through your lawyer for visitation and custody. Block all her calls emails and texts and go on living your life as if she doesn't exist.
That's how I handle all my ex girl friends and I live a stress free life void of any drama or problems.
In the words of William Wallace...
"FREEEEEEEDOOOOooooom!"

 

[sdt354]

And, it's great that things are amicable up to now. But, never trust her again for a second. Woman are sneaky and unpredictable. My ex wife ended it, moved all my stuff she didn't steel to a family members house (even my dog). Decided she wanted me back, then tried to destroy me for the rest of her life, once I found somebody else. She was so mean she stole a Pit Bull from a motorcycle club.I went to her funeral just to make sure it wasn't a trick.

 

[V-Four]

.....save money!!!! takes 6 months for child support to kick in but you have to pay it from day one the back pay hurts


..good luck I hope the best for you. Keep in mind it gets better.

+1

VERY GOOD ADVICE.



I will tell ya from experience (from my 1st divorce):

When we split, I was being a nice guy , paying her cash every week (for the kid), while she was collecting from the state.

When we finally went to court, I had to pay all of the back support that I cldnt prove that I paid, and pay back the state some money.

DO NOT pay her in cash. Check/money order whatever...just have proof.



and I know this sounds repetitive, and maybe silly from where you are standing right now, but like the others have said.. it really does get better.


Good luck, and (try to) stay positive.unk:

 

[customizedcreationz]

I paid by check and it didnt matter, I had to retro everything back to the original date of filing and anything I paid was considered good will....

Bright side... I should have your wheels ready soon!

Todd

 

[mvmccreary]

Thanks again guys for all the sound advice. I am looking forward to the future and taking care of myself and my son. As far as Child support. HELL NO. She isn't going to get a penny from me. I have him exactly 50% of the time or more, and we make the same amount of money so there is no judge in the world that would make ME pay. Hell no lol. I even asked her for full custody but she of course said no.

Todd, I'm excited to get them in. Had the bike running last night for a few minutes. Still have a long way to go but I'm getting closer. Just getting this bike finished would help a whole lot. Doing some more work tonight to get ready for the wheels and the final stages of fixing it up.

 

[texas-ss-tornado]

There is no judge in the world that would make ME pay. Hell no lol. I even asked her for full custody but she of course said no.

Wanna bet? The child support/custody world is slanted HORRIBLY towards the females, they win these battles 90% of the time, simply because they are WOMEN. Trust me, it happened to me, and it has happened to PLENTY of other friends that were in the same situation. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong, the legal system is slanted toward the females in these situations, it's not right, but that's just the way it is, so be prepared to get bent over by the court, and just deal with it.

 

[mvmccreary]

Wanna bet? The child support/custody world is slanted HORRIBLY towards the females, they win these battles 90% of the time, simply because they are WOMEN. Trust me, it happened to me, and it has happened to PLENTY of other friends that were in the same situation. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong, the legal system is slanted toward the females in these situations, it's not right, but that's just the way it is, so be prepared to get bent over by the court, and just deal with it.

Not with out a fight. She will not get a penny from me, when I support him 50% of the time. It would get so ugly if that were the case but we have talked about it before and she isn't looking for anything from me, which is good because she isn't getting any of it.

 

[texas-ss-tornado]

Not with out a fight. She will not get a penny from me, when I support him 50% of the time. It would get so ugly if that were the case but we have talked about it before and she isn't looking for anything from me, which is good because she isn't getting any of it.

Trust me, that will change. She will milk every penny out of you that she can, and the court will side with her. It happens ALL the time. I know it sucks, but that's the way the system works. I paid child support for 17 years on two kids and never missed a payment, and found out eventually that one of those kids wasn't even mine, DNA test proved it. Even AFTER I proved it wasn't my kid, I still had to pay child support on him. That's how fukked up the system is, this happens all the time too. Once your name is attached to a kid and you are paying child support for it, it's yours until the kid hits 18, or even longer if that kid goes to college. I read about this one guy who had THREE kids, and after an ugly divorce, it was found out that he was the father of NONE of them, and guess what? The court ORDERED him to continue paying for them. That's how bad the system is skewed towards the females.

http://family-law.freeadvice.com/fa...hild-Support-for-a-Child-That-Is-Not-Mine.htm

Children Born During a Marriage
The husband is presumed to be the father of a child born during or after his marriage to the mother. In some states, there is an irrefutable presumption of paternity. This means that if a child is born during the marriage, you will be deemed the father, even if a DNA later says otherwise. Other states do allow you to rebut, or challenge, paternity if you comply within strict time limits to challenge paternity. If you consent to your divorce being finalized without contesting paternity, you will forever be deemed the father. This presumption cannot be rebutted, even if you didn't have reason to believe the child was not yours. Once a judgment or order decrees that you are the father of a child, challenging the judgment with an appeal or motion, even on grounds like fraud , is very time sensitive and difficult.

 

[mvmccreary]

Trust me, that will change. She will milk every penny out of you that she can, and the court will side with her. It happens ALL the time. I know it sucks, but that's the way the system works. I paid child support for 17 years on two kids and never missed a payment, and found out eventually that one of those kids wasn't even mine, DNA test proved it. Even AFTER I proved it wasn't my kid, I still had to pay child support on him. That's how fukked up the system is, this happens all the time too. Once your name is attached to a kid and you are paying child support for it, it's yours until the kid hits 18, or even longer if that kid goes to college. I read about this one guy who had THREE kids, and after an ugly divorce, it was found out that he was the father of NONE of them, and guess what? The court ORDERED him to continue paying for them. That's how bad the system is skewed towards the females.

http://family-law.freeadvice.com/fa...hild-Support-for-a-Child-That-Is-Not-Mine.htm

Children Born During a Marriage
The husband is presumed to be the father of a child born during or after his marriage to the mother. In some states, there is an irrefutable presumption of paternity. This means that if a child is born during the marriage, you will be deemed the father, even if a DNA later says otherwise. Other states do allow you to rebut, or challenge, paternity if you comply within strict time limits to challenge paternity. If you consent to your divorce being finalized without contesting paternity, you will forever be deemed the father. This presumption cannot be rebutted, even if you didn't have reason to believe the child was not yours. Once a judgment or order decrees that you are the father of a child, challenging the judgment with an appeal or motion, even on grounds like fraud , is very time sensitive and difficult.

DAMN!!!!!! What in the hell. That is so messed. I'm planning on getting my son tested soon so I know before all this. And I can maybe figure it out if I have to. Damn, damn, damn. Women suck. Dont get me wrong I love them, but shit. They have some much power to wreck everything.

 

[V-Four]

we have talked about it before and she isn't looking for anything from me, which is good because she isn't getting any of it.

Not to keep harping on it, but I don't want you to be surprised come court time..:

It doesn't matter whet she does or doesn't ask for. They use a chart and formula to find out how much you will pay. (If she is listed as having custody on the paper, wont matter if you have the child 75% of time, and make 40% of combined incomes.)

It goes like this ,in CT anyway: they add your incomes, use the chart to determine how much money it 'costs' to rear a child based on that combined income. You PAY 50% of that number. (assuming you made 50% of your combined incomes). THEN, you will be required to provide insurance (if she doesn't have it) & pay a percentage of medical bills as well as daycare. Trust me.

They do not care how much your rent is, they do not care about your car payment, they do not care about your credit card bills, they will tell you to get a 2nd job. The only thing that will affect that number, is if you are paying child support for another child/children.

Ask me how I know this :bang head:

Just getting this bike finished would help a whole lot.

I'm sure it will. Hope you get it goin soon. and don't forget to post pics. :clapping:
Good luck man.




T$

 

[customizedcreationz]

I can second alot of what people are saying here. When you both get lawyers, her lawyer will "suggest" she takes this and that etc. If you can split things down the middle and work things out great.

I had custody of my son and STILL had to pay her child support, even though I had legal custody through the court with signed papers from the judge....

I HAD SOLE CUSTODY..... it took about 6 or 8 months for them to fix that fuck up. And of course I got none of the money back. She had other kids previously before my son and they tried to go after me for child support for those as well back payments for other things she owed on. Luckily the judge wasn't happy with her and they had numerous fraud cases against her against the state. So she was being looked into. BUT I had to go to court 3 times before they finally released my name off the docket for the other kids.... that alone cost me thousands.

All said and done I spent my life savings I had built up at that time and sold off cars, bikes, tools, worked 3 jobs. All so I could get custody of my son.

His mother had arrest records for battery ( against her own family members ), theft, fraud and more. All together there was around 17 police report records I was able to obtain. Child protective services reports, good christ... I can't even tell you how many of those. Truancy from school for my son because she was so wacked on drugs she couldnt get up to get him on the bus. 60 days of school missed in 6 months... she was arrested for that....

I could go on and on with stories of horror. The money I spent was an invest into his life. To pull him out of a shit circumstance and provide him with the best up bringing I could. I succeeded winning custody and I thought it was over... nope.... took years before I was out of the court system. YEARS!!!

I spent so much money I would get sick to my stomach. I ate ramen noodle that I was able to buy with soda bottles I found and returned. I lived a hard life trying to get things square.

The end result is today, I have a 21 year old son that graduated high school, went on to a 2 year college, has a full time job with a good company and is going back to school to further his education. He doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink. He lacks some motivation, but I am hoping thats just a kid thing he hasn't out grown. Hes a polite good kid. I had custody of him since he was 3. So it was a long road to be were we are now. His mother high tailed it out of state and he hasn't seen her in over 10 years. No christmas presents, no birthday wishes, nothing. Which honestly is probably good.

But my bottom line is, with all the bullshit you read above, I HAD TO FIGHT MY ASS OFF.

Am I slanted against people and the system.... HELL YES. That was my young growing up years, learning that the system fucks you best it can and then some. It will lie, cheat and fraud you to death. Keep records, GOOD RECORDS or EVERYTHING. You will need it at some point or another.

And of course good luck.

Todd