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Been following this closely,I am sorry,I just hope he get's help.My son has a problem with drinking,He has lost his children his wife gave up but she is about as bad as my son.Been trying to help them,But nothing works.My son and i don't even talk anymore.Been messing with this for over 15 years.We get the grand kids which are the real hurt ones .My son and i got into a fight it didn't help.15 years wasted.Not gonna waste anymore of our lives trying to help someone who claims to know everything,but wont hear shit.his mom is paying his house payments and lights water ect.with all the stupidly they have lived you would have thought the wife and me could get custody of the grandkids .lawyer says no.Grandparents have no rights.We get to see the lil guy's around twice a month when there mom has them.Guess that will have to do.Misery hurt aggravation always need money.fights confusion.The lil guys have to live in that!!I hope your situation goes better than mine and the wife.god be with you and yours

Very sorry to hear that. As someone who was pretty much raised by my grandparents it does bother me that the so many laws don't see grandparents as immediate family. My mother gave birth to me, but my grandmother was my "mom." I loved her and my papa with all my heart. I lived with them far longer than I did with my biological parents. For little ones it can be hard to get perspective. To them all of that chaos is just what they think is "normal." As much as I loved and respected my grandparents it wasn't until I became a parent that it really dawned on me just how much of the real caregivers they were and just how absent my real parents were.

Just keep giving them your love. That's all any of us can do. I remember a saying that always stuck with me "We are who we are because someone in our lives loved us." On the surface that seemed false to me. But then I realized the statement wasn't false, just my understanding of what love is and who REALLY loved me(and who really didn't) was the issue.

I wish the best for you and yours and jethrobolas.
 
Very sorry to hear that. As someone who was pretty much raised by my grandparents it does bother me that the so many laws don't see grandparents as immediate family. My mother gave birth to me, but my grandmother was my "mom." I loved her and my papa with all my heart. I lived with them far longer than I did with my biological parents. For little ones it can be hard to get perspective. To them all of that chaos is just what they think is "normal." As much as I loved and respected my grandparents it wasn't until I became a parent that it really dawned on me just how much of the real caregivers they were and just how absent my real parents were.

Just keep giving them your love. That's all any of us can do. I remember a saying that always stuck with me "We are who we are because someone in our lives loved us." On the surface that seemed false to me. But then I realized the statement wasn't false, just my understanding of what love is and who REALLY loved me(and who really didn't) was the issue.

I wish the best for you and yours and jethrobolas.
Thank you so very much for the kind words,It is so very sad for us to watch these lil guy's leave and go back to that pandamoinum,When they first arrive they are nervous and tired.we got new bicycles in the spring,We keep them here because they get stolen by bigger kids in there neighborhood.bad influence all around, no guidance.Going to try to get them this weekend and take them to get school supplies and new shoes clothes ect.Were so disgusted with the parents just manage enough civility to get them whenever possible.Hope and prey to keep them on the right path.The parents will deny us any time with the lil ones if we piss em off.I could go on and on.One is 14 the other is 12 and the lil girl is 10.How anyone can look in there lil eyes and see they really do have hearts and feelings,And just watch how much our love moves them.Tuckin them in each night,We hope and prey they keep there lil hearts.Again thank you again for the kind words.Terry@michele.
 
What sad anecdotes! if you haven't been keeping a log of the time you get the kids, and the issues you have with the parents, start now, and don't inform the biological parents what you're doing. Make it accurate to the best of your ability, and don't make it judgmental, or opinionated, try to make it as-factual as-possible.

The purpose of the log is to have a record of the behavior of the parents, and also that of the children. When they tell you, "I had my notebook and colored pens stolen by a big kid at school today," that's exactly how you should record it. If the parent shows up to assume custody of the children and they have been drinking, and are intoxicated, you may have to face the sad prospect of calling the local PD to keep your grandchildren out of harm's way. It might be better to try and get the parent(s) to allow you to keep the children for the night, and to get the kids to school the next day, until the parents can show up sober and straight. Might calling the PD mean substantial legal issues for the parents? Unfortunately, yes. Could they then retaliate by refusing you access to the children? Again, yes. But you need to consider the safety of the children. Obviously you don't want the Department of Children and Families social worker and the PD to show up and to assume custody of the children when the parents are incapacitated, and if you report them. But that's where your log of behavior comes into play. You have a written record of issues and behavior over time, and involving both the children and the parents. The court may look more-favorably upon your petition to assume custodial care if one or the other or both of the parents end up incarcerated.

This is such a sad topic, but your interests are correct, trying to salvage the children, to provide them with a safer, more-stable environment. The children know who's giving them a safe place to be, free of alcohol and other substance abuse, someplace where they get good meals, people who care for their needs, making sure their clothes are clean, that their place to sleep is secure, and home life is free of drama that unfortunately happens frequently when they are with their parents.

Do not make disparaging remarks about either of the parents in-front of the children. Focus your remarks on the positive things that the children do, not on the poor behavior of the parents. They need to have positive reinforcement, because apparently they already have daily negative reinforcement at the hands of their parents.
 
What sad anecdotes! if you haven't been keeping a log of the time you get the kids, and the issues you have with the parents, start now, and don't inform the biological parents what you're doing. Make it accurate to the best of your ability, and don't make it judgmental, or opinionated, try to make it as-factual as-possible.

The purpose of the log is to have a record of the behavior of the parents, and also that of the children. When they tell you, "I had my notebook and colored pens stolen by a big kid at school today," that's exactly how you should record it. If the parent shows up to assume custody of the children and they have been drinking, and are intoxicated, you may have to face the sad prospect of calling the local PD to keep your grandchildren out of harm's way. It might be better to try and get the parent(s) to allow you to keep the children for the night, and to get the kids to school the next day, until the parents can show up sober and straight. Might calling the PD mean substantial legal issues for the parents? Unfortunately, yes. Could they then retaliate by refusing you access to the children? Again, yes. But you need to consider the safety of the children. Obviously you don't want the Department of Children and Families social worker and the PD to show up and to assume custody of the children when the parents are incapacitated, and if you report them. But that's where your log of behavior comes into play. You have a written record of issues and behavior over time, and involving both the children and the parents. The court may look more-favorably upon your petition to assume custodial care if one or the other or both of the parents end up incarcerated.

This is such a sad topic, but your interests are correct, trying to salvage the children, to provide them with a safer, more-stable environment. The children know who's giving them a safe place to be, free of alcohol and other substance abuse, someplace where they get good meals, people who care for their needs, making sure their clothes are clean, that their place to sleep is secure, and home life is free of drama that unfortunately happens frequently when they are with their parents.

Do not make disparaging remarks about either of the parents in-front of the children. Focus your remarks on the positive things that the children do, not on the poor behavior of the parents. They need to have positive reinforcement, because apparently they already have daily negative reinforcement at the hands of their parents.
Thank you for everything,all the info.It has been such a long battle i hardly know where to start.Several years ago the parents gave us the kids,We and the mom went to dss in our county,we got some form of custoday,Don't remember now what it was.Got them enrolled in the school here.That lasted a lil over three weeks.The mom came to get em,We called pd,They showed up read our custody agreement and helped the mom remove the kids.They told us the custody papers weren't signed by a judge.The wife and i were destroyed lil guy's squalled. time slowly passed,Things were a lil better for everyone for a while,After that hurt we didn't put much faith in them,Just wanted them to be good to the lil guy's and one another,Did we do right?hell no!here it comes again.Now the mom is running around and is doing drugs,my son contact's a lawyer,The lawyer sais he can get the kids for my son thru a emergency custody order.We ask did we have a chance?No way he said.My son was doing a lil better or so we thought.The lawyer said it would cost 3.500 for him to represent our son.It went to court he won,We paid the lawyer.We thought things would maybe work now.The mom got visitation and we got weekly visits,But the lil guy's started telling us stories of dad getting drunk,And dss coming to there schools.The mom's mother was close friends with dss.Dss started making visits to my son's house with law enforcement We believe they caught him drunk and took the kids.The mom's mother got custody for a while we contacted the lawyer we used earlier He said 5.000 dollars,We just didn't have it!Didn't know where the lil guy's were, dss would tell us nothing.Fast forward 2 years Went to court son fired his court appointed attorney,Tried to represent himself did a shitty job.We contacted a new lawyer he told us the judge had already made his decisions The whole thing would have to start again and we still couldn't get custody But my son had a chance and it would cost 7.500.So the son has got weekend visits which get's extended because the mom is presently homeless and we get'em when she is supposed to have em.But she sais she is getting a place in a week or so.What a dam mess here we are with a 4 bedroom house,Lil guy's wanting to stay here and a court system that blocks us at every turn.The oldest lil guy went out and got in trouble for breaking windows at a old factory with the help of the neighborhood kids and got caught and is now having to do comminuty service this situation changes week by week.He is so much better than that,He's just caught up in the hyrestra.We are gonna get em when they get of age or sooner if the parents will sign over there rights,Which we always hope and prey for.Completly lost.Our daughter which is 30 married and ok is helping us some in getting them and is the meadeatator in this.I would like to thank all of you the wife and myself for all the help you have tried to give.Bless each and everyone of you.
 
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