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You Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If:

1. You moved to a tent in Zucotti Park because you always wanted a nicer place to live.

2. You quit your “job” to attend the protests, but your mother continues your allowance and now does the dishes herself.
...
3. You are confused that you can’t find the Wal-Mart on Wall Street.

4. You are enraged that the taxpayers had to bail out Wall Street even though you’ve never paid taxes or know anyone who has.

5. You hate capitalism but expect a capitalist to provide you a good paying job with great benefits.

6. You think Socialism has something to do with Facebook, and Capitalism has to do with Washington, DC.

7. You demand a job, forgetting that you were fired for not doing the one you had.

8. You despise the rich even though they pay your share of taxes.

9. You’re a little behind in your rent because your drug dealer insisted on cash.

10. You are very clear in your protest objectives:

..... “Screw the USA”

..... “Save the ______ (fill in the blanks – whales, spotted owls, sturgeon)”

..... “Self-realization is the first step toward self-actualization”

..... “Down with … uh… everything!”

11. You think 99 weeks of unemployment is the least the government should give you for the 3 months you put in at McDonalds.

12. You drove a Toyota to the protest, you’re plugged in to a Sony Walkman, talk over a Samsung phone, and play a Yamaha keyboard in a punk band, but you are incensed over jobs being outsourced to other countries.

13. You demand your rights, but can’t quite recall where they are enumerated.

14. You believe you have a right to every penny earned, but the rich do not, and you base your claim on equality.

15. You believe a man is greedy if he worked his way up to CEO on 16-hour days, runs a company employing thousands, and made $10 million last year, but is not greedy if he made $50 million last year for making two motion pictures or shooting a ball through a hoop.

16. You are convinced the “system” is holding you back from gaining wealth, status, and position. Dropping out of high school, dulling your mind with crack and MJ, a few arrests on your record, and stealing from your employer had nothing to do with it.

17. You left behind trash, feces, urine-soaked sod, discarded clothing, and used condoms after your “Save the Environment” protest.

18. You know you’re not a Socialist because you stick pretty much to yourself at parties.

19. You want to improve the environment & you have the tattoos and piercings to prove it.

20. You don’t pay taxes, but somehow that’s more than your “fair share”.

21. You hate the rich, but hope you win the lottery.

22. You haven't bathed in over a month, but demand to be taken seriously.

23. From the looks of it, "greening" the environment means starting with your teeth.

24. You know your cause is just - because Nancy Pelosi admires you.
 
You Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If:

1. You moved to a tent in Zucotti Park because you always wanted a nicer place to live.

2. You quit your ?job? to attend the protests, but your mother continues your allowance and now does the dishes herself.
...
3. You are confused that you can?t find the Wal-Mart on Wall Street.

4. You are enraged that the taxpayers had to bail out Wall Street even though you?ve never paid taxes or know anyone who has.

5. You hate capitalism but expect a capitalist to provide you a good paying job with great benefits.

6. You think Socialism has something to do with Facebook, and Capitalism has to do with Washington, DC.

7. You demand a job, forgetting that you were fired for not doing the one you had.

8. You despise the rich even though they pay your share of taxes.

9. You?re a little behind in your rent because your drug dealer insisted on cash.

10. You are very clear in your protest objectives:

..... ?Screw the USA?

..... ?Save the ______ (fill in the blanks ? whales, spotted owls, sturgeon)?

..... ?Self-realization is the first step toward self-actualization?

..... ?Down with ? uh? everything!?

11. You think 99 weeks of unemployment is the least the government should give you for the 3 months you put in at McDonalds.

12. You drove a Toyota to the protest, you?re plugged in to a Sony Walkman, talk over a Samsung phone, and play a Yamaha keyboard in a punk band, but you are incensed over jobs being outsourced to other countries.

13. You demand your rights, but can?t quite recall where they are enumerated.

14. You believe you have a right to every penny earned, but the rich do not, and you base your claim on equality.

15. You believe a man is greedy if he worked his way up to CEO on 16-hour days, runs a company employing thousands, and made $10 million last year, but is not greedy if he made $50 million last year for making two motion pictures or shooting a ball through a hoop.

16. You are convinced the ?system? is holding you back from gaining wealth, status, and position. Dropping out of high school, dulling your mind with crack and MJ, a few arrests on your record, and stealing from your employer had nothing to do with it.

17. You left behind trash, feces, urine-soaked sod, discarded clothing, and used condoms after your ?Save the Environment? protest.

18. You know you?re not a Socialist because you stick pretty much to yourself at parties.

19. You want to improve the environment & you have the tattoos and piercings to prove it.

20. You don?t pay taxes, but somehow that?s more than your ?fair share?.

21. You hate the rich, but hope you win the lottery.

22. You haven't bathed in over a month, but demand to be taken seriously.

23. From the looks of it, "greening" the environment means starting with your teeth.

24. You know your cause is just - because Nancy Pelosi admires you.
 
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,

"So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...

"Try doing it with the engine running!"
 
Subject: Man With One Arm

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

I was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. I looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. I started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

I hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. I told him how glad I was to see him because I had lost one of my arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. I thanked him for saving my life and said I know I make it with one arm if you can go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. I asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'
He said, 'I'm NOT happy.

My balls itch.
 
Subject: Man With One Arm

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

I was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. I looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. I started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

I hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. I told him how glad I was to see him because I had lost one of my arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. I thanked him for saving my life and said I know I make it with one arm if you can go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. I asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'
He said, 'I'm NOT happy.

My balls itch.
i THATS FUNNY AS HELL ! .:rofl_200:
 
I pointed to two old drinking buddies sitting across
the bar from us and told my friend
"That's us in 10 years".

He said "That's a mirror, dip-****!
 
Dear Abby

Q. I'd like to know more about my family's history, but I can't afford to pay for all the investigation and research. What should I do?

A. Register as a Republican, and run for public office.
 
My neighbors, the two cute young lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised, when they gave me a Seiko!

It was very nice of them, but I'm pretty sure that they misunderstood me, when I said: "I wanna watch"
 
The police were called to the local bar, apparently there was a problem with a biker going insane out front. When the police arrived on the scene it was true. A tree had been cut down and sure enough there was a huge biker just kicking the crap out of the fallen tree. Screaming and cussing and just going completely nuts out of control. The officer being a big guy himself was not intimidated and walked right up to the biker and asked "What is the problem here buddy?" The biker slowed down and looked at the officer like he was insane for asking the question. He said "some stupid thief cut down the tree that my bike was chained to and stole it while I was in the bar!!" The cop looked at the fallen tree and sure enough there was a very large chain with a lock on it wrapped around the base. Knowing he had to make a report, he walked back over to the angry biker and said "OK sir if you would please just put your dick away and hand me your ID we can get this called in." The biker looked down and yelled "Son of a bitch!!! They stole my girl too!!!"
 
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Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just say there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About fifteen minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won't start ... can't figure out why.
 
A federal agent shows up at a farm and demands to check out the property. The farmer says OK, but tells him not to go over to one pasture. Then the agent arrogantly tells him he has a badge from the federal Environmental Protection Agency and can go wherever he darn well pleases. The farmer says OK. A few minutes later, the agent is running for his life from a bull. The agent calls for help, so the farmer goes to the fence and yells: "Show him your badge."

Sent from my ADR6400L using Tapatalk
 
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
'What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars ! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped !'

Just then the light changes,
So the doctor decides to show
The old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds
The speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be
And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster !

' What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator
And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him,
He sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas
And passes the Moped at 275 mph
And he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy,
He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out,
And there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows
Into the back of his Ferrari,
Demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.

:rofl_200:
 
A football question:
Last year after the Packers / Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

During the Packers / Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb.

Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.

During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

After the Packers / Cowboys game, Dallas fired Wade Phillips and most of his staff.

After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota fired Brad Childress and most of his staff.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's coach Mike Singletary and most of his staff were fired and replaced.

During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.

Question: Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs than Obama last year?
 
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer :



I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding
on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.
I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.

The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)
to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if
she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want
to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having
a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have
just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a ******* thing!"
 
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A Texas state trooper had a speed trap set up on a side road, he had been there about 6 hrs when all of a sudden a kid on a motorcycle came flying by. He hit the lights and siren hurriedly pulling the kid over. He walked up to the youngster and said "Ive been waiting for you all day" The kid took his helmet off and said "Well I got here as fast as I could"
The trooper just started laughing and walked away
 
Overheard on a college campus:

"I'll run over and pick up our welfare check, then drop by Admin to see what's holding up my federal education grant. Meanwhile, you go to the free clinic to check on your scabies and pick up my new glasses, and then we'll meet at the Federal Building at noon for the mass picketing of the stinkin' establishment."
 
Didn't hear that on my campus. Maybe down at a CUNY or something. Not up on the verge of Canada where the college population is at least 50% redneck. We have rifle storage lockers since so many students go hunting.

Should go "occupy wall street" hunting.
 


I am really concerned about North Korea's appointment of the "dear leader", Kim Jung Ill's youngest son to be the new leader of North Korea -- a nuclear power!

After all, Kim Jung Un (pronounced Kim's young-un?) had NO military experience whatsoever before daddy made him a four-star general in the military. This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership: he hasn't even so much as led a cub scout troop, let alone coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon. So, setting that aside, next they make him the "beloved leader" of the country. Terrific!!!

Oh, crap! I'm sorry. I just remembered that we did the same thing here, We took a community organizer who has never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief; a guy who has never led anything more than an ACORN demonstration and made him the leader of this country. Never mind.
 
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