2stangs69-91
Well-Known Member
Amen to that lol.
The Joke thread!
- Thread starter Bill Kratzenberg
- Start date
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RaWarrior
Well-Known Member
Here's another one from the CC website, aka where Harley riders go to make fun of (insert non HD bike) and virtually hi-five each other about it. Kinda surprising they posted this joke submission.
"Harley Davidson to Abandon Motorcycles"
Due to a higher volume in the sale of clothing, accessories and other Harley-Davidson paraphernalia, coupled with a further squeeze on overpriced, underperforming machinery, Harley-Davidson has partnered with Proptronics Ltd. to produce a specialty motorcycle called 'Stylin' Iron'. Proptronics is the company known for making fake appliances that are used in model homes for purposes of show only. In a brilliant management decision, Harley-Davidson decided to face the fact that the only reason most people buy their equipment is indeed as a fashion accessory. By building a prop motorcycle, costs can be dramatically cut and the new Stylin' Iron will have the look and feel of a real Harley motorcycle, which equipped with a recorded potato-potato synthesizer, smoky air pump to simulate exhaust, and even an adjustable rate oil leak.
The bike is priced at under $1,200 and is available immediately. Sales are expected to soar as the new model will allow Harley enthusiasts to spend more money on leather, hats, sunglasses and jewelry due to no longer having to be concerned about keeping the machinery in actual running and riding condition.
The expected surge in accessory sales has prompted the Milwaukee Company to begin talks with the American clothing designer Dickies to help supply genuine Harley-Davidson clothing, and K-Mart will feature the new Stylin' Irons in their sporting goods department.
A spokesman for Harley-Davidson commented: 'We expect Stylin' Iron to be a huge success and relieve the company of having to deal with complaints from the minority of customers who understand motorcycling, and can turn full time attention to the fashion conscious customers who buys our product to function equally as well as the rest of the Harley-Davidson line of motorcycles, in a fashion sense.
Some of our engineers who have tested the new machine claim it actually performs just as well on the road also, given a suitable downhill grade and tailwind.'
"Harley Davidson to Abandon Motorcycles"
Due to a higher volume in the sale of clothing, accessories and other Harley-Davidson paraphernalia, coupled with a further squeeze on overpriced, underperforming machinery, Harley-Davidson has partnered with Proptronics Ltd. to produce a specialty motorcycle called 'Stylin' Iron'. Proptronics is the company known for making fake appliances that are used in model homes for purposes of show only. In a brilliant management decision, Harley-Davidson decided to face the fact that the only reason most people buy their equipment is indeed as a fashion accessory. By building a prop motorcycle, costs can be dramatically cut and the new Stylin' Iron will have the look and feel of a real Harley motorcycle, which equipped with a recorded potato-potato synthesizer, smoky air pump to simulate exhaust, and even an adjustable rate oil leak.
The bike is priced at under $1,200 and is available immediately. Sales are expected to soar as the new model will allow Harley enthusiasts to spend more money on leather, hats, sunglasses and jewelry due to no longer having to be concerned about keeping the machinery in actual running and riding condition.
The expected surge in accessory sales has prompted the Milwaukee Company to begin talks with the American clothing designer Dickies to help supply genuine Harley-Davidson clothing, and K-Mart will feature the new Stylin' Irons in their sporting goods department.
A spokesman for Harley-Davidson commented: 'We expect Stylin' Iron to be a huge success and relieve the company of having to deal with complaints from the minority of customers who understand motorcycling, and can turn full time attention to the fashion conscious customers who buys our product to function equally as well as the rest of the Harley-Davidson line of motorcycles, in a fashion sense.
Some of our engineers who have tested the new machine claim it actually performs just as well on the road also, given a suitable downhill grade and tailwind.'
Ojref
Well-Known Member
This one's short -
Q. How do you break a Suzuki?
A. Press the start button!
Q. How do you break a Suzuki?
A. Press the start button!
RaWarrior
Well-Known Member
:ummm:
Every Suzuki I've ever owned has been bulletproof reliable. My '93 Quadrunner 4x4 is the most durable, mechanically solid machine I've ever had the pleasure of using. It takes abuse that sends other quads straight to the repair shop time after time and never so much as misses a beat.
Maybe you were thinking of a Harley, or possibly a 60's Triumph?
06VMAXIMUS
Well-Known Member
I had a quadrunner when I was younger that was bulletproof, so when my daughter was old enough I bought her a new Suzuki DRZ125. Biggest piece of junk I have ever owned! I think it was made after the line workers got back from having a "saki" lunch break!
My wife's Suzuki Boulevard doesn't do anything when you hit its' start button. F'er always has a dead battery. Damn thing runs a good battery down in less than a week - and it only has a digital clock drawing when off. :confused2:
Not to mention Suzuki forgot to put the other two cylinders on it when manufactured. Under powered, under batteried, junk.
Worthless POS, IMHO.
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I thought you'd been around longer and seen more. Go figure. :biglaugh:
(only kidding - slow day and too hot to ride)
haha i just turned 26 and have been riding for 4 years. not that much bro!
altho i think he was onto something with that bike. don't **** with it. just changed the oils, cleaned filters and checked plugs. everything else was stock.
RaWarrior
Well-Known Member
Maybe Zooky's gone down the tubes as of lately, since TBH everything Suzuki I've owned has been at least 15 years old. That 250cc quadrunner starts on the first compression, every single time. Totally overbuilt for a quad of it's weight and power(a 250cc thumper) and dead reliable. It's a-arms and frame tubing put modern quads with 5x the horsepower to shame. The triple drum brakes leave a little to be desired, but get the job done. Otherwise, it's never let me down and I have zero complaints. Exactly what I want in an off road vehicle....no un-necessary electronics to crap out, full manual control of everything(knobs, levers, and switches rather than a computer screen), and a crapload of gears (15 forward and three reverse). The slowest gears are about 1/4 mph...perfect for the tight and technical stuff.
So, if you want a 4wheeler that you won't ever be able to break, get yourself an old Quadrunner. They're cheap to get, tougher than anything new out there, and go anywhere the fancy $10k quads will go, albeit not quite as fast.
So, if you want a 4wheeler that you won't ever be able to break, get yourself an old Quadrunner. They're cheap to get, tougher than anything new out there, and go anywhere the fancy $10k quads will go, albeit not quite as fast.
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT " GREAT HEAD " ? ..:wkwk:.. " THE SILENCE " ! .. :biglaugh::rofl_200::rofl_200::rofl_200:... JUST FOR THE RECORD , I MADE THAT UP LAST NIGHT !
2stangs69-91
Well-Known Member
:confused2: silence what no gaging noises ...lol
MtnMax/Magniac
Well-Known Member
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
Through out all of my years in elementary school & high school , all of the teachers always were constantly busting my balls , .. They were always telling me , .. " TIM , YOU REALLY SHOULD WEAR LONGER SHORTS " ... :rofl_200::biglaugh::rofl_200::biglaugh::rofl_200: .. I MADE THIS UP LAST NIGHT DURING MARRIAGE COUNSELING ! .. SHE WAS DYING LAUGHING !
Last edited:
tugla
Well-Known Member
aren't those called pants :ummm: :rofl_200:
Dead Husband's Funeral
A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After
everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells
her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, how can that be? You told me he had $20,000
a few days before he died. How could you be broke? The widow says, well, the funeral cost me $6,500 and of course, I had to make the obligatory donation for the church and the organist and all. That was $500 and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone.
The friend says, $12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how
big was it?
The widow says, "Three carats."
A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After
everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells
her closest friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, how can that be? You told me he had $20,000
a few days before he died. How could you be broke? The widow says, well, the funeral cost me $6,500 and of course, I had to make the obligatory donation for the church and the organist and all. That was $500 and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone.
The friend says, $12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how
big was it?
The widow says, "Three carats."
Blonde Girl Friend
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants
and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a COIN and one team got it and then for the
rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
"Get the quarter back! Get the quarterback!!"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants
and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a COIN and one team got it and then for the
rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
"Get the quarter back! Get the quarterback!!"
Doctor Visit
The 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt
better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do
you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then
said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went,'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt
better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do
you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then
said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went,'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
You've probably heard this.
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first hole of a busy
course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee
please!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still
deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up
to the men's tee".
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more,
the man yelled:
"WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S
TEE, PLEASE!!!"
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the club house window directly at the person with the microphone, cupped my hands and shouted back, "WOULD THE A$$HOLE IN THE CLUB HOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET MEPLAY MYSECOND SHOT!!!!!
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first hole of a busy
course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee
please!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still
deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up
to the men's tee".
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more,
the man yelled:
"WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S
TEE, PLEASE!!!"
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the club house window directly at the person with the microphone, cupped my hands and shouted back, "WOULD THE A$$HOLE IN THE CLUB HOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET MEPLAY MYSECOND SHOT!!!!!
Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Natalie," the man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies.? Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Natalie," was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one hundred dollar bills, gave them to Natalie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that none had ever come back two nights in arrow, too expensive and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row.? Where are you from? See asked!
The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Natalie," the man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies.? Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Natalie," was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one hundred dollar bills, gave them to Natalie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that none had ever come back two nights in arrow, too expensive and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row.? Where are you from? See asked!
The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
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